I’ve been back to work for three days now. It’s not nearly as rough as it was before my break — my workload is significantly lower and I don’t feel like I’m digging my way out of a hole anymore. That’s all good.
But for the first time since late December, I’m spending far less time with my little girl. I’m not there to help Ann as much, which also bugs me. I’m trying to be more proactive at home by finding things that need to be done and doing them, but I’ll be honest with you — I’m not very good at that. I tend to be pretty oblivious to things that need to get done. And at times, I’ll see or even make a to-do list, but inevitably I’ll have reasons that I need to wait to do stuff. You know how sometimes there’s something that you just don’t want to do and so you figure out some lame excuse? Like, “Oh, I can’t clean out the fridge right now because that’ll take me at least ten hours and I have somewhere to be in eight hours. Yeah, that’s a pretty big job. Too bad, because that really needs to be cleaned.” Oddly, this hasn’t been the case with me lately. If I’m making justifications, I haven’t been aware of it. I’ve had reasons that seemed completely legitimate why I needed to wait to take on a task. Unfortunately, I then completely forget about it. I spend an awful lot of time in my own little world.
I don’t expect to be perfect at balancing my father time and husband time and me time right off the bat. I just wish I was making progress faster.
Now, before you comment — and I do enjoy getting your comments — please know that I’m not looking for solutions, and I’m not looking for “don’t worry, you’re a nice guy” affirmations. All I’m doing here is making observations. Anyone else notice this sort of thing when you became parents?