NO, THIS IS NOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT THAT WE ARE EXPECTING AGAIN. RELAX.
Okay. That being said.
We always said we wanted four kids. Ten years ago, when we thought we were potentially going to start our family, that seemed like the only possible thing we could want.
Now, we’re 35 with our first kid… and she spent two weeks in the NICU, delivered nearly five weeks early to make sure Ann stayed healthy. We’re overjoyed, but we’re exhausted all the time. We have moments of panic that I think all parents have (for example, finding Sage sleeping so soundly that for a split second we have the irrational heartstopping moment in which we think she is not okay), but at times I wonder if they’re more intense for us, since we prayed for a full decade for a child of our own.
There are times when I wonder if we really want to have more kids. The work, the exhaustion, the stress. And then I watch other siblings fighting (both little ones like my nieces, and ones who should have outgrown it decades ago), and I wonder if having more than one kid is just a dumb idea for anyone.
But then I watch my nieces playing together and getting along. I think about times when I laughed until I hurt with my brother and with my sister. I think about all of the good moments I’ve had with siblings. Sure, there were some bad ones. Sure, I can’t know for certain that our relationships will always be strong. And sure, I’ve seen lots of bad examples.
I’m not trying to make a universal judgment call about whether it’s better to have one child or multiple children, because every family has its own dynamic. But yeah, I do still want Sage not to be an only child.
I’m just not sure I could manage to have four kids unless someone develops a coffee IV.