Sibling Revelry

NO, THIS IS NOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT THAT WE ARE EXPECTING AGAIN. RELAX.

Okay. That being said.

We always said we wanted four kids. Ten years ago, when we thought we were potentially going to start our family, that seemed like the only possible thing we could want.

Now, we’re 35 with our first kid… and she spent two weeks in the NICU, delivered nearly five weeks early to make sure Ann stayed healthy. We’re overjoyed, but we’re exhausted all the time. We have moments of panic that I think all parents have (for example, finding Sage sleeping so soundly that for a split second we have the irrational heartstopping moment in which we think she is not okay), but at times I wonder if they’re more intense for us, since we prayed for a full decade for a child of our own.

There are times when I wonder if we really want to have more kids. The work, the exhaustion, the stress. And then I watch other siblings fighting (both little ones like my nieces, and ones who should have outgrown it decades ago), and I wonder if having more than one kid is just a dumb idea for anyone.

But then I watch my nieces playing together and getting along. I think about times when I laughed until I hurt with my brother and with my sister. I think about all of the good moments I’ve had with siblings. Sure, there were some bad ones. Sure, I can’t know for certain that our relationships will always be strong. And sure, I’ve seen lots of bad examples.

I’m not trying to make a universal judgment call about whether it’s better to have one child or multiple children, because every family has its own dynamic. But yeah, I do still want Sage not to be an only child.

I’m just not sure I could manage to have four kids unless someone develops a coffee IV.

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2 Responses to Sibling Revelry

  1. hellohilary says:

    *WORD*

    And we haven’t even HAD our baby yet. All the same thoughts go through my head too. I went from never wanting kids, to wanting a whole bunch, to thinking we couldn’t even HAVE children, to being pregnant. The thought of being pregnant while raising another child scares me, let alone raising more than one child.

    But I want my child / children to have what my sister and I have, a very close loving friendship. But I see so many other siblings that don’t get along that well and worry that what we have is a fluke. And then I think to my two only-child cousins and they seem pretty well adjusted, married, with potential children in the future…

    You’ll figure it out and if the time is right and the mood is right, there will be more Fullers, if not, then Sage gets to hold a very special place in your hearts all by herself. 🙂

  2. Kendra says:

    The key here is not expecting those siblings to measure up to any of your expectations. I have two brothers, one 20 months younger than me and one 16 years younger than me. I was incredibly close to the first brother until age 14 and then suddenly we became strangers for some unknown reason. We barely talk to each other now and I don’t anticipate sharing my life with him. The second brother means a lot to me but I feel more like a parent or aunt to him than brother. Truth be told, I feel like an only child and my mother still can’t seem to wrap her mind around that fact.

    Life is a gamble. Having kids exponentially so.

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