At the risk of being borderline blasphemous…

This post is for those of you who have never understood the type of Christian who can’t stop talking about Jesus. It’s a simile, and it’s a stretch, but bear with me.


How awesome is bacon?

That awesome, right? Bacon is the king of foods. It’s all salt and fat and flavor, and it will kill you and you will thank it for doing so. It pairs with savory, it pairs with sweet; it imparts flavor to things that need it and enhances flavors of things that don’t evenneedenhancing. It turns sandwiches from blah into brilliant, soups from mediocre to masterpiece, and can even make chocolate taste brand new again.

I’m not alone in this feeling. Millions of people “like” bacon on Facebook. And it’s not like some bacon syndicate made that page — somebody who loves bacon made that page, and the rest of us found it.

Breakfast? Bacon goes there. Lunch? Bacon goes there. Dinner? Bacon goes there. Dessert? Bacon goes there. Snack? Bacon goes there.

In other words, bacon is something that most of us cannot comprehend that anyone would possibly dislike. We don’t worry about talking about how much we love bacon, because why wouldn’t everyone love bacon? And if it’s pointed out that it’s not kosher or that it’s potentially unhealthy, we disregard that as a distraction from the awesomeness that is bacon and we assume that the people who eat kosher secretly crave bacon, and that vegetarians just haven’ttriedbacon.

That’s how many Christians feel about Jesus.

They believe that there’s no possible way that people wouldn’t be super-stoked about Jesus. Jesus makes everything in their lives better. Their personal taste for the Jesus experience is like many people’s taste for bacon… except that those of us who love bacon want it all to ourselves, and people who love Jesus want to share it. (Bacon, unlike Jesus, is not free and unlimited.)

I’m a Christian myself, and even I get irritated when a fellow Christian can’t have a conversation without talking about Jesus as if they were a salesman desperate to make a sale. After all, if I were talking to someone about a wonderful meal that I had, and all that person wanted to talk about was bacon, I’d get sick of that too.

I guess my point is: when you’re next faced with a “Bible-thumper,” before you overreact to the persistence with which they try to share Jesus with you, just remember that from their perspective, it’s like they’re trying to give you something even more awesome than bacon.

(If you say no and they keep pushing it, you have my full permission to be annoyed and roll your eyes.)

This entry was posted in Theology, Things That Taste Good and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to At the risk of being borderline blasphemous…

  1. Lummox JR says:

    Heh! That’s great perspective. Jesus is in fact more awesome than bacon. And that’s saying a lot.

  2. Angela says:

    I’m now analyzing my indifference to bacon. At midnight.

  3. Carrie says:

    Hmmmm. I don’t like bacon or Jesus, so I guess I’m just SOL.

  4. Helloheather says:

    Creepy. This post comes the day after I complain about unwanted Bible-banging in my inbox. IS THIS DIRECTED AT ME?!?!?!?!?! How passive aggressive of you. (Ha.) (I hope.)

  5. Julie says:

    But what if you don’t like bacon?

    • strangedavid says:

      Again, are you DEAD inside?

      • Julie says:

        It was hypothetical…well sort of. I like crispy-but-not-burnt bacon. And I like Jesus, so I guess I am only half dead or, at best, three-quarters dead. Or, if I give you enough time, I am sure you could come up with some calculus theorem to calculate how dead I am or at least derail your uncle’s math lesson for 40 minutes.

  6. Kendra says:

    I don’t like chocolate-covered Jesus.

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