Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. OK, at least reuse.

I wrote this on a whim in 1995 and e-mailed it to six people. Within a year it was on thousands of sites, which is really saying something for that era. I got fan mail from four continents. I was asked for an autograph. And within the past few years, it was on fark.com. I’m still amazed where I find it when I search for it.

 

IF DR. SEUSS WROTE FOR STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION

Picard:
Sigma Indri, that’s the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data:
Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We’ll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard:
LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge:
But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard:
Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker:
But sir, if Geordi says we can’t,
We can’t, we mustn’t, and we shan’t,
The danger here is far too great!

Picard:
But surely we must not be late!

Troi:
I’m sensing anger and great ire.

Computer:
Alert! Alert! The ship’s on fire!

Picard:
The ship’s on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?

Riker:
Not me.

Worf:
Not me.

Picard:
Computer, how long til we die?

Computer:
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data:
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems…

Geordi:
Hurray! Hurray! You’ve saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard:
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You’ve saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi:
We still must save the Indran planet —

Data:
Which (by the way) is made of granite…

Picard:
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand — we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi:
There’s sabotage among the wires
And that’s what started all the fires.

Riker:
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!

Troi:
We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him why?

Worf:
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.

Troi:
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they’ve been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven’t even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher:
Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, “Help us, clothe us, feed us!”
I can’t just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt — MUST try!

Picard:
Doctor, please, we’ll get there soon.

Crusher:
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

   *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
   HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

Worf:
The saboteur is in the brig.
He’s very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun —
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard:
Did you see this, Mr. Worf? Did you see this creature morph?


Worf:
I did and then I beat him fairly.
Hit him on the jaw — quite squarely.

Riker:
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher:
Now let’s get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard:
LaForge, please tell me we can go…?

Geordi:
Yes, sir, we can.

Picard:
Then make it so!

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This entry was posted in Jokes, Personal History, Words, Words, Words, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. OK, at least reuse.

  1. Lummox JR says:

    I want to see a troupe do this on Youtube.

  2. Br.Bill says:

    Although Dave’s poem showed great vitality,
    That troupe needs more originality.

    Good work, Strange. I, too, have some old viral Internet babies out there. Specifically, Google “If Operating Systems Were Beers”.

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