Football’s coming. Hide your heart.

One week from tonight, the football season kicks off.

Let me repeat that.

One week from tonight, THE FOOTBALL SEASON KICKS OFF!!!

I am so unprepared. I’ve read less than half of my Football Outsiders book, I haven’t looked at any fantasy rankings (and the one fantasy team I’m playing is supposed to be set to “ready to draft” sometime “around Sept 1”), I’ve barely watched any non-Colts pre-season (although what I have seen makes me wonder if this will be the year that Norv Turner finally gets fired).

I HAVEN’T EVEN PLANNED MY SNACKS FOR OPENING NIGHT, PEOPLE.

This is serious.

I’m watching the first two Colts games on delay — the first one, Ann has a cooking class that was supposed to happen a month ago, and I will GLADLY wait for her to get home (and hope that she has smuggled out some food). The second one, we have a ComedySportz anniversary event to attend, wherein I will receive my ten-year award. I’m not skipping that even for football.

But right now, I’m not 100% sure I could name all of the current head coaches. I can usually name not only the head coaches, but at least one or two assistant coaches. I’d say I can’t name all 32 starting quarterbacks, but neither can anyone else until Whisenhunt pulls his head out and gives SOMEBODY an answer to the question “Which Cardinals quarterback are you planning on benching by game 5?”

FOOTBALL. FOOTBALL. FOOTBALL.

If you don’t like football, you’re really not going to want to bother reading this blog about once per week for the foreseeable future. Maybe more.

BUT, if you don’t CURRENTLY like football, but you’re willing to learn… tune in. I’ll teach you to hate the Patriots and laugh at the Browns like almost everyone else does. (If you’re already a Pats or Browns fan, I’m sorry, I don’t think I can help you.)

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2 Responses to Football’s coming. Hide your heart.

  1. Lummox JR says:

    I have my opening day snacks planned out; the trick is acquiring them. So far between our Wegmans and the closest Tops, only Tops has any cider and it’s not nearly tart enough. And Wegmans is sold out of most of its bulk candy, the good stuff anyway.

  2. dellasman says:

    All I need is plenty of Crunch ‘n Munch & Coke.

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