I feel like I’ve been holding up pretty well in the past several weeks, despite a lot of stress.

I’ve especially been trying to keep being a good husband and a good father, and there are days I don’t do so well at that. (Now, stop before you start typing a reply. I’m not writing this to fish for compliments or reassurance. EVERY husband and father, no matter how good, has off days. I’m realistic enough to know that some of my off days have clustered together recently.)

I’ve been working crazy hours. I haven’t had my usual stress outlet of ComedySportz (because I’ve been working crazy hours). And some nights lately, Sage has been really difficult, and she has definitely been in full-on Mommy Mode, where she doesn’t want Daddy.

Which means that there’s not a whole lot I can do for either Sage or Ann those nights. And if Ann is a bit extra tired, I need to pick up the slack on anything that needs to be done around the house… and I haven’t done too well at that.

The house is in OK shape. I mean, I mowed the yard and vacuumed today, so I’m probably already describing a tidier place than a lot of you have at this exact moment, right? But I let little stuff go and I often need reminders.

And that’s stressful for both of us.

I’ve been starting to feel the effects of SAD creeping in, and I haven’t been able to locate my light for therapy since we moved… and I’ve been oversleeping some mornings anyway, which means I’d really be struggling to get up early enough to do the light therapy.

I feel like I’m doing okay. Not well, not badly… just okay.

But I’m edgy.

And that’s not good.

This entry was posted in Depression, Personal History and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Edgy

  1. Liv says:

    Hear you. The anxiety that knowing you’re possibly heading for a depressive episode (be it mild or otherwise) is almost as bad as actually having an episode, in my book. Hugs.

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