Today was a battle of magnification of negative feelings. It was what I’ve deemed a “gray day,” in which I’m mostly in control but get hit with odd waves of despair, with no apparent warning.
Today in particular, any time I felt the slightest negative feeling, my depression tried to latch onto it and make it THE BIGGEST THING EVER.
A customer was a little snippy with me. I felt like I’d been thoroughly berated.
I dropped a stack of papers. I felt like I had accidentally crashed a car.
I was a little disappointed that Sage would give Mommy lots of snuggles and kisses but wouldn’t give me any; it magnified into feeling like the worst daddy ever.
Then, Sage did give me snuggles and kisses. For a while, that lifted everything right on up.
I’m maintaining; I’m doing okay. But man, I wish I knew how to prevent or avoid these sudden sharp waves of brain chemicals doing stupid stuff, and not just how to handle them.