Sage: Fourteen Months

You are walking!!!

In the past few weeks, you’ve gone from taking a few halting steps to almost running through the house. A week ago, you took about a minute and walked from the farthest corner of the couch in the living room to the refrigerator in the kitchen… which was probably thirty yards once you figure that it wasn’t a straight line. Today, you got up from the floor in the living room where we were sitting and started walking, and by the time I had managed to get up and take six steps, you were at the front door. That was probably also about thirty yards, in less than fifteen seconds.

You are ON THE MOVE.

And even more, you’re communicating specific things. In the past, you’ve handled a few words (Mama, Dada, and a few others), but lately you’ve been repeating things and specifically trying to tell us what you’re thinking about. You have both a toy that moos and a book that starts, “The cow says moo,” and when you saw a different toy cow, you immediately pointed and said “Mmmmm. Mmmmmoo. Moooo.” You bring us books, saying, “Buck? Buck?” You ask for milk — “mih” — and the other night, you specifically went up to your mother and asked, “Nigh nigh? Mih? Nigh nigh?” When she asked, “Does Sage want some milk? Sage wants to go night-night?” you responded “Seh nigh nigh?”

And you did go right to bed.

You calling yourself “Seh” (it’s really more like you’re saying Sam without the m) is adorable; we keep trying to get you to say “Sage,” and I think the closest we’ve gotten is “Sadjjoh.”

Today, your mother put some peaches — one of your favorite fruit — on your high chair tray. Clear as day, you said, “Thank you.” Our eyes widened and we both simultaneously said, “You’re welcome!” (Astonished or not, we intend to teach you manners.)

We’re watching you getting faster, stronger, and smarter seemingly on a daily basis. The past few weeks have been an amazing flurry of tiny incremental improvements. It’s such an exciting time. I look forward to seeing you every day, and I always feel like we don’t have enough time together.

My favorite moments are when you bring me a book to read. I sit on the floor with my back against the couch, and you snuggle up with me and read, sometimes turning the pages when I’m done with a section that you know really well. You bring me book after book after book. Today you were upset with me when I read all the books in a stack except one, because I hadn’t read them all. I just counted… it was ten books.

Sage… this month I want to tell you more about being who you are.

It’s not easy.

A lot of times, I am still struggling to be who I really am. I have a tendency to try to be who I think people want me to be, and it often hurts when I recognize that I’m doing it.

It’s not easy to learn that adults are still trying to muddle through and to figure things out… but one of the most important things you can do to handle that knowledge is to figure out who you are and to become comfortable with that.

So: in order to be who you are, you have to figure out who you are. For some people, this never really happens, because they discover things about themselves that scare them. But who you are — and this is important — who you are is not the same as what you do.

Sometimes figuring out who you are doesn’t mean making sure you have everything defined and knowing everything about yourself. And this is the ultimate point I’m trying to make: sometimes, being yourself means being okay with the fact that you still have parts of yourself that you don’t know yet.

I know that’s hard to understand. I don’t expect you to get it right away.

But if you can reach a point where you can forgive yourself your shortcomings, you can enjoy your positive qualities, and you can be comfortable with not knowing how you would react to every single situation… when you can take life one day at a time because you know you are strong enough to handle any one single day on its own… then, you will really be free to be who you are.

I love you, Sage. Mommy and I both love you so very, very much. (We’re also trying to teach you to say “I love you,” because we are selfishly looking forward to the day when you can say it back and we can burst into ridiculous tears of joy.) You are surrounded by so much love, and we hope you can feel that, every single day.

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