I Just Need an Illustrator

THE TERRIBLE IDEA BOOK FOR KIDS

by Strange/David

(copyright 2013 David K. Fuller, all rights reserved)

(like, share the link or whatever, but keep my name on it)

What fun things can we do today?
How many new games can we play?

WE COULD…

Draw with marker on our legs!
Learn to juggle, using eggs!

Eat a stack of rotten meat!
Staple cheese to Mommy’s feet!

Hang a hamster on a hook!
Tear one page from every book!

Break the childproof cupboard latches!
Hide in closets, lighting matches!

Plug the tub and let it run!
Practice dialing 911!

Bring in all the homeless bugs!
Pour some water on the plugs!

Scratch designs on both the cars!
Paint the walls with grape juice stars!

Punch our arms to make some bruises!
Find out just how tasty booze is!

Hammer out the TV screen!
Bleach the dog until it’s clean!

Cut up all of Daddy’s socks!
Booby-trap the tissue box!

Put the goldfish in the trash!
Drum on windows ’til they smash!

Unscrew all the power sockets!
Put grape jelly in our pockets!

Microwave some metal spoons!
Try to tackle big raccoons!

Put some boogers in our hair!
Show folks we know how to swear!

Glue some feathers on the cat!
Mail a squirrel to Uncle Matt!

Pull out all the dolly’s stuffing!
…Nuts. Dad says I can’t do nuffing.

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This entry was posted in Words, Words, Words, Writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to I Just Need an Illustrator

  1. This reminds me of Shel Silverstein! (You’d enjoy a little known book of his called Uncle Shelby’s ABZ Book!)

  2. Mona says:

    You SO speak for all the little kids out there. Pretty soon you will have them all worshipping you like their hero or something! 😀

  3. Br.Bill says:

    Dude. You *HAVE* to publish this.

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