A PG-13 Joke

A businessman retires and decides to move out to a cabin in the woods. On his first day, as he drives up to the cabin, his car goes slightly off the road and gets stuck in the soft, muddy shoulder.

As he stands there trying to figure out what to do, a beat-up truck slows down and stops near him. A burly, bearded man with a disturbingly direct stare slowly climbs out. His clothes are muddy and ragged, and his hands are caked with years’ worth of dirt.

Without a word, the burly man takes a look underneath the businessman’s car, does a few things the businessman can’t see, and then stands up and nods. The businessman tries to move the car, and it pops right back out onto the street.

“Thank you!” he says, gratefully.

“You’re new here,” says the burly man.

“Yes, just moved here.”

The burly man nods and stares at the businessman for several seconds before saying, “Party at my place tomorrow. You can come by at seven. First house down the road on the left.”

“Oh — okay,” says the businessman. “Um — thank you. Sure.”

The burly man nods and turns to get back into his truck, but then turns back and stares for another several seconds. “Should warn you,” he says. “These parties get pretty wild. There’ll be drinking, and plenty of it.”

“Oh, I can handle that,” the businessman says. “But thanks for letting me know.”

The burly man nods again and turns to his truck, but again he turns back and stares at the businessman until he’s uncomfortable. “Should probably warn you,” he says, “there’s usually some fighting at these things too.”

The businessman swallows nervously, but says, “Okay, well… I appreciate the warning.”

Once again, the burly man nods and then turns to leave… and once again, he turns back around. “Oh,” he says, “you should know that there’s usually some wild sex at these parties.”

The businessman barely knows what to say, but he feels committed to attend for at least an appearance at this point. “Okay,” he says. “Um. Good to know.”

The burly man nods and climbs into his truck, starting it back up.

“Oh, hey,” says the businessman. “Should I bring anything?”

“Whatever you want,” the burly man shrugs.

“Wine? Beer?”

“Doesn’t much matter,” says the burly man. “It’s just you and me.”

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