How to Write a Blog Post

Fire up the laptop. Think back through the day. Try to remember what you thought about, what you experienced, what you saw.

Try to determine if you have a sufficient amount to say about those things.

Discard the idea about how your pepper turkey sandwich almost tasted like salami. It may have messed with your head throughout lunch, but there’s probably not a blog post there.

Consider posting about your co-worker. Discard it because it holds more potential for hurtfulness than entertainment.

Consider posting about your commute. Discard it because nothing really happened.

Think harder. You must have thought about things.

Remember thinking about your iTunes catalog. Consider posting about that. Discard it because you have very little to say about the music you’re listening to.

Remember thinking about your relationship with ComedySportz feels like you imagine it must feel when someone wants a deep, personal, meaningful relationship and the other just wants to hang out; discard it because you can’t come up with a way to explain it without it sounding negative, which it only just barely is anymore.

Remember thinking about a short piece of fiction that you could write as your blog post; discard it because (a) about 80% of it is loosely based on yourself and this inevitably leads people to assume that 100% of it is very much based on yourself, and instead of talking to you about it people will just make assumptions that would be incredibly wrong and could even change their understanding of you as a person — and you already have a hard enough time making yourself understood; (b) a crucial part of establishing the personality of the main character would involve a reference to something sexual and for goodness’ sake your parents read this blog; (c) this would especially be a problem when (a) and (b) are combined and people start making assumptions and oh, dear Lord, maybe someday you can write this sort of stuff but right now it’s easier to stick to swearing and violence and death if you’re going to write things that will make your mother sigh internally.

Sigh (externally) and decide to write a post that is simultaneously painfully revelatory and discreetly deflective.

Consider deleting it.

Consider editing everything.

Consider, for the love of God, taking out the reference to something sexual despite the fact that you originally wrote it with stronger words and less concern for anyone else’s sensibilities and there’s a small part of you that feels like you’re pulling punches already. Consider taking out the reference because you’re pulling punches and you’d rather just not punch at all, sometimes.

Consider writing the fiction somewhere else because it has a way of burning a hollow into your brain, setting up its own niche, until you have to evict it just to carry on with your day so that it doesn’t take over your every waking moment begging to be written.

Consider saving this post for another date and writing something else here instead. Remember that you wanted to write more funny poetry for that potential children’s book. Remember that you wanted to review that beer you’ve got in the kitchen. Remember that the beer is still in a cooler that needs to be dumped out because really it’s warm by now and you’ve just been too lazy and/or preoccupied to handle it. Remember that you started a writing series on this very blog a while ago, and you stopped after maybe two entries when you had ten in mind. Remember that you follow through on very little that you start. For a few moments, apply this memory to the fiction dying to be written; remember that you’ve got dozens of stories that you didn’t write and that still occupy your brain, but that have stopped trying so hard to get out… as if they wanted a deep, personal, meaningful relationship and you just wanted to hang out, and they’ve had to come to grips with that. Remember that you’re on the other side of that with ComedySportz; consider if this would help anybody understand what you mean by that or if you’ve just complicated that even more.

Wonder if anyone will reply. Wonder what will inspire their reply if they do. Wonder why you care when you really write this blog for yourself.

Consider deleting the post, one more time.

Remember you’re thirty-six years old.

Type out an explanation of the sexual reference.

Delete it.

Glance at your knuckles as if you can actually physically see evidence of pulling a figurative punch.

Mentally scowl at yourself.

Hit “Publish.” Feel somewhat deflated.

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This entry was posted in Thinky Thoughts, Words, Words, Words, Writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to How to Write a Blog Post

  1. Moniba says:

    Love it :p See, someone did reply! Hahah. That actually happens. To everyone. We do that with life too…

  2. Carrie says:

    I’m replying! I have no idea why. But you know what? I bet your mom knows what sex is. Even if she pretends she doesn’t.

    That was supposed to be funny, but doesn’t sound that funny. I am just thinking about my seven year old and all the frank sexual questions he asks me and how I try to answer honestly without letting him know that I do indeed have personal knowledge of the subject at hand.

  3. I hate typing “lol” but darn it if you didnt just get a peek inside my head!

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