Sage’s Dwaft Gwades: NFC East

Where should we start? The NFC East?

B-I-N-G-O.

What grade would you give the Dallas Cowboys’ draft?

B.

B?

I-N-G-O. Bingo was his name-o.

In the first round, Dallas picked up Zack Martin, the offensive lineman from Notre Dame. Do you think this will improve the already stout offensive line?

Um…

What do you think of their offensive line?

It’s waining!

Was it good or bad to pick up Anthony Hitchens and Devin Street in the middle rounds?

Good. Bad.

Oh! Good for Hitchens and bad for Street?

Wight.

Do you think Hitchens is going to play regular downs or special teams?

Spesha teams.

Me too.

I’m going on a choo choo twain.

OK, last question about the Cowboys – they had nine picks…

Yeah.

And they spent seven of them on defense.

Yeah.

Including five of the last thirty picks.

Yeah.

Are any of those last five going to pan out?

Cookies!

You think they’re cookies?

Not cookies.

Oh… um…

P. I.

P. I.? Or P.U.?

P. U.

 

 

Okay, now let’s talk about the New York Giants.

A scawy ginant. A scawy, scawy ginant. Scawy ginant, hewe I come. GAH. GOT YOU!

The Giants have a new offensive coordinator, Ben McAdoo. With the first pick, he took Odell Beckham, the LSU wideout.

Yeah.

Was that a good pick?

No, he was scawy. Scawy ginant.

Do you think Weston Richburg will start right away as center?

He sit in TWO chayas. He sit in pinks.

Do you think the Giants drafted Andre Williams too high?

Yeah. He not sposta do dat.

Can you give me a letter grade for the Giants?

I wanna wite a wettah A.

Even though you criticized their picks?

Dwaw Mommy.

 

 

Sage, how would you grade Philadelphia’s picks?

D. D, D, D.

The first thing Philly did was trade down. Was that a good move, or a bad move?

Bad move. Up.

They should have traded up? Did you want them to take Brandin Cooks?

No, UP.

Oh, higher?

I can’t bewieve it.

Should they have tried for a top ten?

Not a top ten.

So where? Thirteen? Fourteen?

Fifteen!

In the third round, they took a wide receiver from Oregon. Do you think that was just because of Chip Kelly’s history in Oregon?

Yeah. Shewiff Cawwie.

Are you saying Chip Kelly is like Sheriff Callie?

Yeah. Chip off Cawwie.

I noticed that the Eagles only took one lineman, and that was at the end of the draft. Should they have taken one sooner?

Yes.

Offense or defense?

Defense!

 

Okay, now the Washington Redskin Potatoes.

I gonna pick a G.

A G? Worse than an F? I think I might agree with you.

Yeah.

They didn’t have a first-round pick, and they traded down and got two players. Did they waste their trade?

Weww… yeah.

Do you think Trent Murphy can rush in the pros?

No.

Since Bashaud Breeland isn’t really fast enough to play cornerback in the pros, what is he going to do?

Oh, no! He gonna swing at me!

Are you saying he can only pick fights with toddlers?

Yes.

Last question for tonight. Daniel Snyder. Bruce Allen. A.J. Smith. What do you think of those three?

Whoa. Two guys.

Two guys?

Two guys or thwee guys.

What about them?

SCAWY GUYS.

Thank you for helping me with this.

Thank you.

No, I said thank you. What do you say?

No, I SAY THANK YOU.

Okay, well, then, you’re welcome.

What ah you doing to me, scawy wion?

We’ll do the NFC North in a couple days.

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