Okay, Sage, tonight we’re going to talk about the NFC West. They used to be the worst division in football, and right now they look like they might be the toughest.
Yeah. I can’t do it. It is.
Do you have a letter grade for the Arizona Cardinals?
Did you like their first selection of Dione Bucannon?
I want to watch Mickey.
…Mickey Loomis? We’ll get to the Saints in a couple days.
Okay, but what about Dione Bucannon?
Yeah. It’s sposta be this one.
So you really like that pick?
I wuv my piwwow, but I can’t way down.
I don’t know if I understand you, but that sounds deeply philosophical.
You want your piwwow back? Way down your piwwow and take a nappie.
So… basically, are you saying if you have a need, fill it?
What about their offensive line? Aren’t they a little weak on the right side?
What should they do?
Weww… ask Gawy Doody.
Who’s Gary Doody?
I don’t know.
Now the San Francisco 49ers had 12 picks in this draft, and they’re already a very strong team. How would you grade them overall?
Just like the Cowboys?
I thought their biggest, smartest move wasn’t in the draft, but the trade to get Stevie Johnson from the Bills.
Did you like that?
Is there any downside?
What’s the downside?
Ouch! You got my pants!
Yeah, he has had groin and hamstring injuries.
Yeah. No peekin’.
No, I won’t peek in Stevie Johnson’s pants.
The Seattle Seahawks are the reigning Super Bowl Champions. They traded down in their first pick…
Do you think Paul Richardson will be anything more than a role receiver?
No, no, no. Woww, woww, woww.
…Role, role, role?
You’re pretty adamant.
Was there anyone else in their draft you noticed much?
What about Justin Britt and Cassius Marsh? You think they’re going to start?
Do you have a letter grade for Seattle?
No. I don’t.
We kind of need a letter.
A, B, C, D.
Which one of those letters?
Dis one. D.
Finally, how about the St. Louis Rams? What letter grade do you give them?
I pick one.
They started with Greg Robinson on offensive line. He was a really early pick – was it a good choice that early?
Put fings whewe dey go.
How about Aaron Donald and Lamarcus Joyner on defense? Are they as good as they look on paper?
Jus’ fwoin fings.
Yeah. I’m hiding, dad.
And I have to ask about the most newsworthy pick of the draft – Michael Sam, the first openly gay player to be drafted into the NFL. What do you think?
Do you mean that one day… um… it’ll be so unsurprising that we won’t even notice?
Do you think it’s a big deal?
Nope. A wittah deaw. A wittah deaw.
Don’t you think it’s at least groundbreaking?
You’re not all that interested in talking about it, though, are you?
I hafta jump wope.