Sage: 39 Months

Sage, you have an astonishing amount of energy.

Either that, or I’m getting older fast.

This month has been a bit hard on the family. I was cast in a play — “The Last Days of Judas Iscariot” — and a lot of time in the past two weeks was taken up with rehearsals and performances. I’m normally the one who puts you to bed, and I basically didn’t get to do that for almost two straight weeks.

In fact, yesterday, when you learned that I wasn’t leaving to go to the theatre, you actually pouted and said you didn’t want me to stay home. I didn’t take it personally; I know it’s just that you had just gotten used to a new routine that felt normal to you, and I was throwing it off again.

You’ve been showing steady improvement in recognizing letters, using numbers and even doing some basic math, in your artistic skills and your fine motor skills, and all the stuff we expect to see improve at this age. Today, you figured out how to balance one toy on top of another in your hand. It’s a little thing, but it’s new for you, and watching your face light up with joy as you conquer these challenges is incredibly fulfilling to see as a parent.

This was also the month in which I nearly got a job that would have moved us to another state. I was torn about whether or not this was a good idea; we would have been far away from family and most of our friends, and I think that would be tough on you at first. As it turned out, I didn’t get the job anyway, so you still get to see your “Gwamma and Poppa” a lot. I think that makes all of you happy.

You continue to surprise me with things that you learn at pre-school. The other day I heard you singing “Frere Jacques.” I didn’t know you knew that.

You also have started using your imagination for more than just piecing together different stories you’ve heard or shows you’ve seen into one narrative — you’ve started really creating your own ideas. Sure, they’re crafted from other ideas that you’ve been exposed to, but a little secret most writers don’t like to acknowledge is that pretty much that’s what creativity is — it’s about making new connections and meta-connections for previously existing concepts.

This past week, there has been a lot of news about a bill that our state is planning to sign into law. Allegedly it protects religious freedoms (which is good), but in practice it is more designed to give a license to discriminate (which is bad). The law is badly written; it is bad policy; and it is absolutely not representative of the sort of person that I hope you grow up to be. It pains me that you’ll look back at some of this when you’re older and wonder why we raised you in this kind of environment. The short answer is that sometimes, the best thing you can do is to stay in the midst of darkness to try to shed some light. And trust me, there has been plenty of light shed by our friends and family during this. We know we’re on the right side of future history, and I’m determined to wage that battle using love.

I hope that makes sense when you’re older.

Always, always be who you are. Fight that fight with love for yourself and for all humanity. You’re worth it, and so are they.

My advice this month: be supportive to those you love. This past month, your mother made all sorts of sacrifices with her time and her energy to let me be involved in this play that means so much to me. I hope and pray that I am just as supportive to her, because I am flat-out humbled at the way she has supported me through this. Your mother loves harder and more truly than anyone else I know; my advice to you is to aspire to that. And that doesn’t mean always sacrificing — there is no sense in martyring yourself just to let someone else walk on you. That’s not the relationship your mother and I have. It just means that you should find ways to love that don’t always require things to be done your way. It’s harder to do than it sounds; I am still working on that, myself. Start working on it early, and you may someday be as open-hearted as your mother… which is definitely something to pursue.

I love you, Sage, with all my heart. You make that heart swell up with pride, joy, and hope. Your mother and I both love you, now and always, infinitely.

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